The past few months have been filled with overwhelming emotion. Most of it has been exhilarating, but there have been periods of days or weeks when I’ve been constantly on the brink of tears. I don’t know how to manage it. There are extreme highs and lows where before I’ve been pretty even-keeled.
This isn’t the first time in my life I’ve felt like this, but certainly the first time in years. I’m out of my depth.
I’ve done a bit of research online (probably a bad idea) and I think I may have mild anxiety brought on by stress. There’s the tears, the nausea, panic attacks, worrying, over-analysing, hair loss, self loathing, and sleeplessness.
It all sounds very serious, and in a way writing it down is kinda scary. But it’s also therapeutic.
Thinking back to what was different over the past couple of years since I’ve felt like this, the huge change in my life was moving to Korea. It was such a great adventure and an opportunity to recreate myself. It is certainly strange to be back at home and I can see old patterns resurface the longer I’m here.
But although that may be part of it, I don’t think it’s the whole picture.
While in Korea I discovered the Whole 30 and it changed my life. Eating healthily made me feel healthier in both body and mind. I was transformed. My thought patterns were clearer, my energy was up, I fell asleep straight away, my whole being benefited.
Exercising was no longer a form of torture in which I would push myself to the brink of collapse just to make myself pay for the chocolate I had eaten that day. Weight-loss no longer equated to starving myself. I no longer felt skinny and worthwhile only when I was hungry.
These are the sad realities of my life pre-Whole 30 and unfortunately I can feel myself slipping back into them as my diet has progressively grown worse over the past few months.
To me, the correlation between my state of mind and the food I ingest is a no-brainer.
Simply put, I need to get back on track.
So I guess this is my commitment to myself to eat better. No more chocolate biscuits from the tin at work instead of lunch. No more skipping a meal so I can imagine my stomach shrinking.
I’m not doing the Whole 30 because for me at this stage its not sustainable or social enough, but I will tighten up on the amount of junk I’m putting into my body.
After all a healthy body = a healthy mind, and that starts with food.