This Thing Called ‘Balance’

I have three Whole30’s under my belt and I still struggle with making the right food choices. I’m definitely much better than where I started, but that’s mainly because my mind was a rabbit hole of body complexes and borderline eating disorders. I think many people, particularly women can understand where I’m coming from.

My first Whole30 taught me how to see food as fuel and how much it affects, not only my body shape and functions, but also the way I see myself and the effect that has on the way I see the world around me. I remember eating a cookie after 35 days of following the programme strictly and my head absolutely started spinning. Then it ached. The only way to make it better was to consume one after another of the terrible things. Thus began the post-Whole30 binge. It lasted two weeks.

My second post-Whole30 binge lasted a month before I jumped on the programme again to regain some self control. It seems I am an all-or-nothing kind of a person. But that’s no way to live my life.

I want to have the freedom to make good choices outside of ‘rules’. I want to be able to go out with my friends and not go crazy with all the cakes and creamy desserts and then regret it for days after. It seems like there’s a switch in my brain that after it gets flipped, I think there’s no going back. I’ve eaten something less healthy today so I may as well indulge for the rest of the day and reset the switch for tomorrow.

I know it doesn’t have to work like that.

This is honestly where I’m at right now though. Eating clean is a journey and mine is less than perfect. I believe I will achieve some sort of balance one day, and for now another Whole30 probably isn’t going to help.

 

I’m grateful for everything the programme has taught me:
– I can love myself
– Cooking can be a creative outlet for me
– Working out doesn’t have to be dreaded
– My body is capable of so much more than I ever thought

 For now I hope that posting delicious things on Instagram and finding all the support and amazing recipes I can will help me work this thing called ‘balance’ out.

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